Let the hive mind of Engadget get that for you.
"I'm in the market for a new phone and money isn't a limitation. I'm also not partial to any particular US carrier, but here are some of the features I'd like to have: WiFi, GPS, good coverage in lots of places, push Gmail (a must!), physical keyboard (a must!), a touchscreen, decent battery life and a relatively slim body. And please, nothing that has a fruit logo on it. No offense to the fruit fans, though. Thanks!"
I hope, when you're crapping your pants and having the gripper someday soon (guess: you're overweight) and you fumble to dial your phone for help, you can't. Perhaps your arthritis is so bad you can't dial a phone with small keys. Perhaps you can't see very well any more. Perhaps your fingers are too fat. If you can't stand those commercials then turn off Matlock, Murder She Wrote, or Wheel of Fortune and go for a jog or something.